I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize