Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
