she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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