I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
