girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
