p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
