That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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