everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my sisters under your porch take her home
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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