Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
