high people should be assigned attendants
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I deserve this hangover.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
