I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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