I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize