That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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