she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
