i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
