I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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