I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
