I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i out mim tonsoeep
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