She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
