Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
