oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
