i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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