We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
