See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
