We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
