the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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