I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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