Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
