i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
