I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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