It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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