My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
