It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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