you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
