Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
