God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
