there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
