help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't deserve a penis
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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