remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
