Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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