Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You have to summon your inner elephant
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
