I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize