Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
