Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
