Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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