hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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