Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
