i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
