She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
