I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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