You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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