bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
