i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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