is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
