The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
