U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
