One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
