OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
