I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
