i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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