Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
