Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This baby is an asshole
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
