he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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