He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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