I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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