I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
