Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
